Sometimes You’re Not as Good as You Think (3)

“That could be me. That should be me. I’m a good person. I deserve that.”

And yeah… you probably do deserve good things. Most of us do.
But sometimes the version of “good person” you think you are in your head? It doesn’t quite line up with what other people are experiencing.

• You tell yourself you’re loyal… but people from your past still have access to you. 
• You say you’re honest… but when the full story makes you look bad, the details change.
• You say you’re patient… but you ghost for over stuff that could’ve been solved in minutes.
• You lie so much that you start believing the lies yourself.
• You say you want peace… but low-key, you love the drama. Always looking for a reaction.
• You say you’re emotionally mature… but the minute someone points out how you hurt them, accountability feels like an attack.
• You say you’re consistent… but that depends entirely on how they make you feel that day.
• You delete texts before you go to see them. 
• You don't answer your phone or reply to texts when they're around because you're worried they might see something you don't want them to see.
• If they bring up something you did to annoy them, you just find better ways to hide it next time.

And then you sit there genuinely confused. Why hasn’t the “right” person shown up? Why does every situationship end the same way? Why do people alway pull away and never want to settle down with me? 

In your head, it’s always:

• “They weren’t ready.”
• “They couldn’t handle me.”
• “There are no good ones left.”

You want someone who only has eyes for you… while you still entertain others.
You want constant reassurance… while doing things you know aren’t acceptable.
You want real effort… while doing things to constantly get on their nerves.

You’re not a bad person. You’ve got a big heart. You’ve got dreams. You’ve got jokes. You’ve got moments where you really do show up.

But the delusion? The part where you’re convinced you’re already “good” and everyone else is just failing to see it? That’s what keeps tripping you up.

Life doesn’t hand out the soft, secure, flowers-on-a-Tuesday love to people who are still playing both sides of the field. The ones who actually live that kind of life? They had to get honest with themselves first. Had to look in the mirror and realise: “Damn… I’ve been moving funny.”

So yeah. Keep wanting the beautiful things. Pray for it, manifest it, post about it, whatever.
Just don’t be surprised when it doesn’t land in the lap of someone who’s still delusional about themselves.