“I hope you find happiness, even if it’s not with me.”

Yeah. That’s never coming out of my mouth. Respectfully.

I’m not sitting here wishing you an amazing, peaceful life with someone else. I’m not hoping your skin glows, your bank account thrives, and your new love story turns into a fairytale. Let’s be real, let’s be so fucking for real.

I’m not even angry if you’ve moved on. I just hope mild inconveniences follow you around like a mosquito. Just enough to be unconventionally annoying. Like your charger only connecting slightly while you sleep so you wake up with 2% battery. Or your Wi-Fi cutting off at the worst possible moment. I hope your favourite meal starts tasting slightly off. Not bad enough to complain about. Just enough to know that something tastes off. And every time you are running late, every traffic light turns red.

I hope your new “babe” is… mid. Not incredible. Not terrible. Just mid. I hope they never quite learn your food order. I hope they don’t get your jokes immediately so you have to explain them twice, and even then it’s just an awkward laugh as if they still don’t understand. I hope they mispronounce a word you use all the time and it quietly starts to irritate you.

And I hope sometimes, randomly, on a Tuesday evening while doing the dishes, you think about that. you get. The flashbacks. 

Was I not funny enough? Did the full package not land? The love, the humour, the deep talks, the unsolicited advice. I knew your order. I got your jokes instantly. Just saying.

Anyway. No hard feelings. lol.

I just hope every fresh jar you try to open refuses to pop. You tap it, run it under hot water, use a towel, hand it to someone else, and still nothing.