Familiarity

Think about everyone you call a friend right now. Then ask yourself how many of them you'd actually ring if things got really bad. Not to moan or just vent about your day, but genuinely call and say "I'm not okay." Go on, count them.

We do this thing where we call someone a friend just because we've known them for time. You grew up together, went to the same school, always end up at the same gatherings or parties. Time kept passing, you both kept showing up, and somewhere along the way the word "friend" just got attached.

But time is not the same as closeness. You can know someone for a decade and still have no real idea who they are. You can have years worth of memories with someone and still feel oddly lonely around them. That is not friendship. That is familiarity.

A real friend tells you the truth even when it is uncomfortable. They say "I think you are messing up here" instead of just nodding along because it is less drama. They show up for the boring, difficult stuff, not just the fun stuff. They remember things you told them weeks ago and actually check back in on it.

A familiar person though? They are still around but they are not doing any of that. They watch your stories. They come to your birthday. They say "we need to link soon" and then four months pass and nothing. The relationship just lives on the surface.

A lot of people genuinely think they have a solid social life because they have a lot of people around them. But being surrounded and being supported are not the same thing. When something actually hard happens in your life, that is often when you find out. Familiar people go quiet, or they say the right words and somehow it still feels shallow. That's when you realise you have been counting them as something they never were.

This is not me saying go and cut everyone off. Surface level relationships are fine, they are normal, not everyone in your life needs to be your person. But at least be aware of who is who. Stop giving out the word friend like it costs you nothing, because when you actually need someone to be there for you, it costs you everything.