Your Past Matters.

“You should love me for who I am. We all have a past, and I know I’ve messed up, but you shouldn’t judge someone based on their past or the times when we weren’t together.”

Personally… nobody owes you their love just because you’ve “grown.” Your past isn’t some photo you can delete or forget. It shows who you were when no one was holding you accountable, how you rationalised things, how you handled temptation, loneliness, or the need to feel wanted.

Sure, “I know I screwed up, and I’ve learned.” Okay. But saying it isn’t the same as not doing it in the first place. It’s easy to tell a story about growth when that lifestyle no longer works in your favour and now you’ve decided you want to be with someone.

The thing is… I’m allowed to ask questions.

• Why did those choices feel okay back then?
• Why did you allow it to happen?
• Did you not think of your own self-worth?
• Did you not think about how it would affect your future?
• Why were your boundaries so weak?
• Why were your standards so low?
• Why did it take getting caught or hurting someone to finally figure out what you wanted?

I’m not trying to shame anyone for mistakes. I just want to understand the thinking that led to them. Being cautious about someone’s past doesn’t automatically make you insecure, controlling, or unforgiving. That’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t I want to know the ins and outs of the person I might spend my life with?

Caring about someone doesn’t mean ignoring the red flags they once waved ever so proudly. You can appreciate them and still think, “This doesn’t fit the life I want.” You can believe they’ve changed and still decide you’re not the one to live with it.

Loving someone shouldn’t feel like an act of charity. It should be a choice you make willingly.

And if someone needs you to pretend their history doesn’t matter just to feel secure, maybe the problem isn’t you being cautious. Maybe they just want an easy pass from someone who will settle and tolerate them. 

A past doesn’t disqualify anyone from being loved. But it does invite a closer look. Not to judge who they were, but to decide if that’s someone you want involved in your future.