useful

They want what I can give them. My time, my skills, my energy, my network, my availability when it suits them. Funny thing is? Most of them genuinely think I haven’t noticed. They assume I’m oblivious to the fact that their name only lights up my phone when there’s something in it for them.

A favor.

A connection.

A loan.

A shoulder to vent on.

Some vitamin D.

A quick “hey, long time. How you been? I need a favour; can you help me with something?”

The truth is, I’m fully aware.

I know exactly who only surfaces when it’s convenient for them. Who goes silent the second there’s nothing left to extract. Who suddenly remembers I exist the moment they need advice, leverage, money, or just a body in the room for their next event.

And honestly? I don’t mind. Not even a little. As long as I also see value in the exchange, we can keep playing the game. For me, mutual use is fine when both sides are actually benefiting.

The problem isn’t the transaction itself. It’s the people who refuse to admit that’s what it is.

They like to slap labels on it, friendship, loyalty, “we’re like family” and then get offended when I don’t show up with the same emotional investment they never earned in the first place. Expectations that were never agreed to. Someone starts feeling owed my time, my energy, my consistency, my effort, even access to my OWN money, when the whole relationship was built on convenience from day one.

If we’re using each other, let’s just stay levelheaded about it. No pretending. No emotional overdraft. No quiet disappointment when I don’t magically turn into the ride-or-die that I never signed up to be. 

These kinds of relationships are very fragile as hell. The second one side stops seeing the usefulness, the whole thing collapses.

The real issue for me isn’t being used. I’ve made peace with the fact that humans are transactional creatures. The issue is when people confuse having access to me to being people of actual value. I will not pour emotional energy, loyalty, and consistency into people who only ever signed up for the convenience package.

I let transactional relationships stay transactional. I don’t over-invest. I don’t pretend they’re deeper than they are. I save the real effort, the patience, the vulnerability, the showing-up-when-it’s-inconvenient stuff for the handful of people I truly love and care for.

As long as I find you useful, go ahead use me too. It’s fine. Just don’t try to pretend as if it's something that it's not.