Loyalty over respect?

Loyalty over respect is one of those phrases that’s interesting to me. Loyalty is often seen as the highest value, but the truth is it’s very subjective. Respect, on the other hand, has a consistency to it that loyalty can’t even match.

Loyalty depends on what someone feels counts as being loyal. One person might think keeping their secrets is loyalty, another might think standing by them even when they’re wrong is loyalty. The definition changes depending on the person.

Respect is different. It’s more universal. It’s not just about taking sides because that’s your friend, it’s about a mutual understanding. Respect is saying, “You got me, I got you, and I’ll treat you fairly, as long as you do the same.”

Let’s say a close friend comes to you and says, “You have to back me, no matter what.” Even when they’re wrong, to them, that’s loyalty. What they want might even make you feel shaky, but in order to be considered loyal, you have to do it. Respect is more like, “I hear what you’re saying, but that’s not my portion.” You’re not against them, you’re simply holding a boundary that’s fair on both sides.

That’s the thing about loyalty, it’s often tied to personal expectations and needs, I’m loyal to you because xyz. Respect is tied to principles. In the long run, respect will always mean much more, because it doesn’t change based on who’s asking or what the situation is.

Before I can be loyal to someone, I have to respect them. I can’t be loyal to someone I don’t respect. Without respect, loyalty is just blind obedience. With it, loyalty flows naturally.

At the end of the day, anyone can demand loyalty. Not everyone can earn respect.