Recharge

Sometimes I just know I’m not in the mood to be around anyone. Not because anyone’s annoyed me or done anything wrong. My head just feels a bit full and the idea of socialising feels like a chore. It’s not personal. It’s just one of those days.

You ever feel like that? Where you’re not upset or angry, but you still want to be left alone? Like even thinking about small talk is tiring. You’re not running from anyone, but you’re also not rushing to be around people either.

Being social takes a lot of energy from me, even when I am around people I like. You're constantly tuned in. Listening, responding, keeping conversations going, being present, it’s effort. And if you don't slow down now and again, it starts catching up with you. You start to feel drained without even realising why. You lose interest in things, zone out in conversations, and slowly get more distant, even though nothing's actually wrong.

I’ve had nights out that were meant to be fun, good people, music, all of that. But by the time I get home, I’m flat. Not upset. Just numb. Like I’ve used all my energy smiling, talking and being “on” for hours, and now I’ve got nothing left in the tank. And the weird part is no one would’ve guessed. I probably looked fine. Still chatting, still laughing. But mentally, I was already halfway done.

And when that happens, I’ve learnt to take a step back. I just need some space. A bit of quiet. A break from having to show up or explain how I’m feeling. Because truthfully, even trying to describe it sometimes feels like more work than I’ve got energy for.

Some people might take it the wrong way. They might think I’m being off or distant on purpose. But really, I’m just trying to stop myself from burning out. It’s nothing to do with them. I just need less interaction for a bit. Less noise, less back and forth, less of everything.

And the break doesn’t even have to be deep. Sometimes it’s just staying home, ordering food, writing on my blog, listening to music, taking walks or drives alone, watching something random and letting my mind do absolutely nothing. No pressure to be funny or interesting or available. Just being still for a bit. Letting my social battery charge.

I don’t think enough of us do this, step back for a while without feeling guilty. To say, “I need a bit of space,” and not feel like we owe people an apology for it. But honestly, space is healthy. If you’re always switched on, always present, always responding, eventually you start to lose your balance.

So if I go quiet, don't answer calls or I skip a plan or leave a message on read a little longer than usual, just know I’m probably taking a breather. I’ll be back. Clear-headed. Properly recharged. And hopefully less likely to disappear again.