Smart?

I know you’re smart but you can’t give me answer. It happens so often now that I just nod or laugh it off. But if I’m honest, I’ve started thinking about what that even means. Like, smart based on what exactly? Because most of the stuff I know didn’t just appear in my head. I learnt it. I lived through it. I picked it up from experiences I went through or from questions I actually cared enough to explore.

I don’t wake up with some magic understanding of everything. I pay attention to life. I reflect. I ask myself things. I listen. I mess up. Then I try again. That’s where it comes from. Nothing fancy. Just being present and curious and honest with myself. So yeah, maybe I come across as someone who knows what they’re talking about, but that’s because I’ve lived through a lot of things and tried to make sense of them.

What gets frustrating though is how people start expecting me to have answers to everything, even things I’ve never been through or had time to think about. Like I’m supposed to be some kind of walking solution. Sometimes I’ll get asked deep questions about things I’ve never even considered and when I say “I don’t know,” I get that confused look. That look like I’ve disappointed them.

It even happens with personal stuff. People ask me what I’m feeling or what I think about something I’ve barely had time to process. And they expect me to respond clearly and confidently. But how am I meant to give you a feeling I haven’t figured out yet? Sometimes I’m still sitting with it, still trying to understand what it means. Some feelings aren’t loud. They don’t show up in obvious ways. They linger, they shift, they grow slowly. And the pressure to explain them on the spot just makes it worse.

It’s mad how being seen as “smart” can box you in. People think if you’re good with words, or you understand one part of life well, then you must be fully sorted across the board. But life’s not like that. I’ve got gaps in my knowledge. I’ve got soft spots. I’ve got things I avoid. I’ve got moments where I overthink something so small and get stuck in my own head for days. 

I think people forget that learning is active. Understanding takes time. Just because I can break something down doesn’t mean I’ve cracked every code. There’s stuff I still don’t get. Stuff I’m still experiencing for the first time. And I deserve space to process that like anyone else. Being smart doesn’t mean being fast. It doesn’t mean knowing everything. Sometimes it means pausing and admitting you’re still learning.

I wish I could be allowed to say, “I don’t know.” I wish people understood that not everything needs an immediate answer. That sometimes the smartest thing you can do is just sit with the question for a while. Let it breathe, so that it lands properly.